i like NERDS!

l0l about the title.
ok i really have nothing to blog about
but uhh i just felt like writing something on here cuz it's been forever
so i'm not wearing make-up to school anymore guys
I LIKE NERDS!!!
ooooo and i LIKE Mexicans too. they're the hottest =]
i like Ice Cream
i like running (i know. big surprise)
i like writing
i like to sing in the shower
i like Adele
i like music
i like MI COMPUTADORA!!!
i like math
i like lame things
i like being lame
i like looking lost (at times)
i like being good
i like following God
i like chocolate
i like people who are not stuck up
i like TAYLOR LAUTNER
i like cute butts l0l
and i LOVE My GOD!!!

seriously, miracles can happen
i cant talk but God is AMAZING!!
and he loves you therefore you should go talk to him
he'll accept you no matter what
that's the great thing about it
and he'll LOVE you

and i love Chris Tomlin too

ok maybe the blog was pointless
but you read it haha l0l
ok byyyyyyyyeeeee

the reasons-i need a release

no one said you couldn't vent on blogger about the reason why you're unhappy
so here i go

i am angry because i'm living in the past
i am angry because i feel sorry for myself all the time
i am angry because i have to look at ME
i am angry because i don't look the way i'm SUPPOSED to look
i am angry because people tell me everything is going to be all right
i am angry because people treat us wrong because we're Africans
i am angry because out of the 100 pictures i take, i can only find one good enough
i am angry because i do not feel pretty
i am angry because i have to put eyeliner on to go to school so people will not focus on my FUCKING face
i am angry because i cry about things i cannot tell anyone
i am angry because i watch Cinderella and Snow White in order to feel something and be happy for someone
i am angry because i watch those shows to actually believe in something
i am angry because i am surrounded by people who are so pretty i'm like a maid compared to them
i am angry because i think about love every now and then and wonder stuff
i am angry because i hate feeling lonely
i am angry because i'm so fucking ugly
i am angry because i hate staring at ME
i am angry because i hate the way i've turned out
i am angry because i have to wake up and see the weight i've gained
i am angry because my tummy looks like an obese rat's stomach
i am angry because i cannot look anyone in the eye
i am angry because no one wants me
i am angry because i KNOW that i will never be able to attract a boy
i am angry because i hide my tummy in a sweater everyday
i am angry because i watch movies with happy endings and that never seems to be the case for me
i am angry because everyday i look at this quote from Juno and i cry
i am angry because i'm hiding myself
i am angry because i gave up on me
i am angry because i envy other people that i do not want to envy
i am angry because i live here
i am angry because i've lost each and every single one of my connections to God
i am angry because i live here and i haven't FOUND anything to live for yet--besides God
i am angry because i wanna be happy yet i can never achieve that
i am angry because i want to be other people besides myself
i am angry that i'm awake at night crying about MEEEE!
and i am so FUCKING angry that i'm so damn emotional

and im so FUCKING sorry if you read this and it disturbed you but honestly i don't give two fucks.

the rain

so i barely blog but i just HAD to blog about today.
today was a contemplating day. it wasn't happy nor sad. and the best part about it was when i walked home from school. actually let me replay my day for you.

i woke up EXTRA late on purpose. all because we stay in homeroom for 3 hours 4 days out of this week and i did not feel like sitting there and writing an essay. After that the classes were a blur. i can't even remember myself walking to 1st period. During the classes i felt like i was someone else. it was like looking at the world through someone else's eyes. i felt like a was in daze. i wasn't even there. but i did do my work. after third period (last period) i didn't want to take the bus home because the ride was way too long and i just knew i would get carsick. so Michelle gave me her umbrella and i walked home in the rain. I'm really starting to like that girl. i think she's like the only person i really like at that school. I;ve become very very fond of her.

well so yeah i walked home in the rain. i know i'm an oddball. no one would EVER want to walk home when it's raining. especially if you're black. but i did. and i enjoyed it.
the breeze was so cold and soft, the sound of the rain was perfect and it was amazing. i thought about a lot, but it wasn't unpleasant things. it was about....things. anyways it was just perfect. then when i got to the entrance of my subdivision (gwinnett word), i took off my shoe and put the umbrella down. and it was thee BEST thing ever. i could not imagine a more perfect afternoon. i know it may seem like "wtf is wrong with her"but i honestly just don't care. it was perfect. i hope it rains more. i came home soaked but i didn't mind. i wanted to take a picture of how i looked but my father locked the laptop away in his room so i couldn't do it.

overall i just felt like i had to blog about it for some reason ya know? and now i have to get off the computer because i have an AP exam for tomorrow and i need to start studying for it now if i want to get done by midnight l0l jk. but i do want to get done studying before eight so bye.