Long Road

It's been a while. But I guess it needed to be a while.
I've had a pretty interesting experience.... but life goes on. Time waits for no one.

I'm single... a lot happened. But let me just say it needs to be this way for a while. No, he did nothing wrong... I went too far with loving him and God pulled me out. That's how i can sum it up. Too much details. I still talk to him. But i have to get over him. I need to or else i'll never be okay.

But i guess with every breakup comes pain. I'd pour my heart out on tumblr but i have followers on there.. lol. All i'm saying is I love writing about my personal life on here. I don't know why. It just feels free.

I've grown since the last post. I'm no longer insecure about a lot of things. I'm me. I've learned to accept that because I'm going to be me for a looooooooooooooooong time. I'm learning a lot about me too i guess. Stuff like i HATE feeling lonely and alone. I don't even mind being alone. I like it... It's not bad. But i DESPISE feeling lonely. I hate wanting someone to love. I COULD go back and be with my boyfriend... but I have to leave him. I don't know how to love people properly.

It's like this.... I can't balance loving him and loving God as well. It's one or the other. And you know who i picked. I thought it would be easy. But it's not. It's harder than i thought.

I thought i could let go and we could just "be friends" and chill. But it's not going that way. I can't just "be friends" with him. It's hard. I don't know.... i feel like i can't do this.

BUT- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me :)

It's hard.

Another thing i learned is that i fear unhappiness. And more, i fear happiness without God. HE has to be in everything i do and i HAVE to be happy with all that He does. Because once i forget Him, everything goes wrong.

That is also hard.... Because right now i feel like i can't find comfort in Him. But this too shall pass.

Man can't save me.... but I'm on a road toward God. And I hope i get there safe and sound.
That is all.

Goodbye.