So Alone

hey guys. yeah Blaze is forcing me to blog. her Philipina self lol. but yeah i dont really have anything to blog about. only one thing to be exact.

have you ever felt ALONE?

No, i'm not talking about loneliness like you need a partner and stuff. no, i'm just talking about being alone. like no friends or family or anything. just alone. plain alone.
i feel that way right now. don't get me wrong. i have the amazing-est best friends in my life but it's just hard sometimes. Both of my best friends live far away and it's hard to just...do that. ugh.
i feel alone. like i have nothing and nobody. and i feel like im holding onto things i should let go off. it's hard. i dont really know how to explain this. and i can't find my way out. i don't really want to make a long post but Blaze this song isn't helping me at all lol. i wish there was a cure for every kind of pain you know? it would be so easier to live. so much easier.
well i think that's it. i'm gonna go write a poem now. bye.

( i know reading my blog was a waste of time. sorry :[ )

It's Like A Drug

soooo hey guys, i'm blogging again. i knoww, in the same month too lol. ok well the reason why i'm blogging is because of this topic that came up at our lunch table.Um, my friend Rebkea came up with the question actually. she asked, "what is the point of teen relationships?" and well, you know how they tell us we're too young to be in love right? well i agreed with that, but then she was like, if you're too young then what's the point of being in a relationship?

So i answer, it's the feeling you get. She asked, what was the feeling? and i told her that she won't understand how it feels until she's in a relationship. it's this greaatt feeling of having that significant other. idk how to explain it, but then, it hit me. Relationships/love is like weed. or any drug you like.

you see, you won't know the feeling until you're in a relationship. Same as weed. You wont know what it feels like till you have some. It's probably the greatest feeling in the world....but it could also destroy you. Just like marijuana can. you get it? and i realize that we always crave for it because we're humans and we get lonely. IDK it just HIT me today. i get why we want it now. it's a drug and we never want to let that feeling go. we love being in love and sometimes it destroys us. Just like we are with drugs.

and then she asked me what if you breakup? is the pain worth it?

and i said something i never thought i would say in my whole entire life.

I replied YES.

and i see this quote all the fcking time, the one that says "I'd rather have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"....or something like that lol. and i know it's so cliche but i actually understand it now. and i agree, i'd rather have had that feeling and felt the excitement and got my "high" off of MY boyfriend, rather than not have felt anything at all. Because if i've never felt it, i would never know how good it could be.
And the break up? yeah, the pain is worth it. because i can look back and at least say i got a little taste of something i've never had before. i can look back and smile. and not only that, i know better.
It's the same as marijuana. Quitting is hard because it brings out the worst in you. It's hard and it brings a lot of pain, just like a breakup. but you gotta do it.
But it differs because some people still WANT to be in a relationship. they still want to be loved, they want to love. because us humans love to love.
On the other hand, if you quit weed i dont think you'd wanna go back to it lol.

So this is why I'm blogging, because this thing just hit me today. Love is a drug and we crave it. We need it and once we have that quick hit it's hard to let go. But in the end, when we're suffering, can we say it's worth it?

That's for YOU to answer.

I will say yes. Because i've had the feeling. i'v felt it. i lived it. and i fvking loved it =] and before i leave, here's a quote i saw that i really loved. there's this other one i loved mroe but i want to post it on here only after my next "high". (and i'm not talking about Marijuana LOL).

"I don't fear insects or spiders. At great heights, I jump off, smiling. In the face of death I wink. But, when I look into your eyes, I'm in fear of how much I love you." Anon

and here's a song that really explain what i'm trying to say to you. It's "Addicted" by Kelly Clarkson. Man, i fcking love her! lol. and here's a quote from the song. i love it so much.

"I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
-Addicted.

here it is.